How to twitter to your friends!

I attended a workshop to help me increase my tweets and sell pledges for my book Lily Poole.  Well, I didn’t actually attend. I live on the planet Pluto and it was in London. You know how crowded London gets and with property prices being what they are and the threat of the Ebola virus. I watched it online, like everybody else.

I made some notes which I’ll share. Here are the notes: Use plenty of hash-tags and tell lots of lies about yourself but make them sound the truth. America is behind, or in front of us by four hours, but as a resident of Pluto we just say Earth is seagull shit away, an opaque knot. Not that we’ve got seagulls here, but you know what I mean.

That got me thinking. Halloween will be with us soon. Get a blond wig and shell suit and, instead of dressing your kids up as a witch, dress them up as Jimmy Savile.

In the twitter class this ‘end goal’ > more sweets. Innovate. Everybody dresses as a witch. That’s boring. I’ll dress as Jimmy Savile. ‘Pictures boost engagement by 40%.’ > more sweets. ‘Ask yourself who is your audience?’

Well, everybody is older when you’re younger. Take the case of Jack. His mother is tearful and angry because he complains that he’s started a new school, is only wee, and  nobody wants to play with him at playtime. Her potential audience is other mothers who have children, who may have experienced that particular difficulty, or that particular situation. I was once wee Jack too. ‘Look for resonance.’

My solution is to # Carl – give wee Jack a knife. Some of my best friends have holes in them and it never done me any harm.

‘Don’t be weird.’ But what if you’re born that way? ‘Don’t make friends for the sake of making friends.’

‘Practical things you can do, make your audience feel important.’ Mrs Lily told me about the party she went to on the Maid of the Loch. It was for an old biddy that came to her social club beside Clydebank library. Her son brought her and she sat wedged between Mrs Lily and her friend, when they had a little meal. They were invited to the old biddy’s 99th birthday party. After the birthday meal, everybody got a 99-cone.

Don’t leave me standing alone in the playground with no pledges. It #cold and nearly #winter.

Pledge now  towards the publication of my book Lily Poole.

http://unbound.co.uk/books/lily-poole

Share this page by retweeting or favoriting. I’ll buy you a 99-cone.

Don’t assume that the page you see on screen is the page everybody else sees. Tag on Facebook, or re-post link. Keep those hash-tags working for you.

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