The Effing trouble with Efe. (Celtic 2—Fenerbahce 2)

I’ve a lot of sympathy for Efe Ambrose. After all somebody’s got to be Efe. We had the same trouble. When I used to play for Dalmuir there always came that time when you realised you were a man down and would need to drag somebody, anybody, off the street. Once it was a three-legged dog that we put the Dalmuir hoops on and tied it to the goalpost. The referee said we couldn’t do that kind of thing, but we slipped him a can of beer and even though Down Shep was a dog and not Billy the Fish, he won man of the match. If we were really stuck we used to go up and ask Wilma Biggins to play for us. But there came a time when she got too grown up for that kind of thing and we ended up with Brian Biggins. So I know exactly how it feels to play beside an Efe. In fact there were a number of Efes in the Dalmuir teams over the years. Wee Johnny was a great wee player, but some of the guys he brought along were more Efe than Efe.  The test was whether they had their own shin guards. Guys with their own shin guards usually knew how to tie their laces. One of the guys Johnny brought completely turned a cup tie. We were not like Celtic 2-0 up and cruising, but 3-0 and this guy scored a quick one-two, for you know who. Sometimes a team can be stronger that is a man short. Sometimes Efe is not required. Like Gary McClaren with the great Dalmuir teams of yester-yore , I’m not blaming our Ronny Deila. Obviously with so many injuries and call offs he was out scouting the streets before kick-off. He must have picked up Kieran Tierney from a local primary school, but like Down Shep before him, he showed a lot of bite and was outstanding. When he begins to shave he’ll be a great prospect. Dedryck Boyata for once didn’t put a foot wrong and even had a great sliding challenge on van Persie that reminded me of gravel rash and ouch, ouch. Scott Brown for once did more than run about and growl. James Forest ran past players. Leigh Griffiths scored a great poacher’s goal.  Kris Commons now there’s a fitba player. As commentator Chris Sutton said after a blistering shot near the end, ‘that’s why he needs to be in the team every week.’ He also told us why Efe shouldn’t be in the team every week or any week. The bigger the game the more likely he is to make an error. Stefan Johnsen and Nir Bitton were missing in action, but at least they brought their own shin guards. Efe obviously didn’t. It would be funny. It should be funny, but you know what…?

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