Euro 2024

Euros 2024.

When I’m not watching fitba, I watch Scotland. I want Scotland to win and England to lose. Scotland didn’t so much get beaten in the opening match as humiliated 5—1 by the host nation Germany. For once, the pubs were busy. Even my gang hut The Drop Inn. One woman customer was on her toes screaming, ‘Penalty! Penalty! Even when a less drunk guy *(if such a thing exists in The Drop Inn) explained to her that it was a penalty not to Scotland, but to Germany, she didn’t get it. She continued screaming, ‘Penalty.’ Maybe she still is. There are penalties for living in a parallel universe.

It was also a red-card. Ryan Porteous will miss the next two games. So it wasn’t that bad.

A sad punter had put Scotland on to win the tournament. His odds were 80—1. Shite odds. 8 000 000 000—1 and I’d stick a pound on our boys.

I’m Celtic through and through. West Germany duly beat Hungary 2—0 and qualified from Group A. I’m thoroughly familiar with European ties and not finishing bottom of the group and finishing bottom, anyway.

The other side of that, of course, is glorious failure. Celtic and Scotland always come up trumps. The first World Cup I watched from start to finish (Germany beat Holland in the final) we beat Zaire and drew with Brazil in the group section. We had to beat them but were squeezed out.

Glorious failure didn’t come better than having to beat the Dutch of Cruyff and Neeskins in 1978 by three clear goals to qualify. Impossible. But we nearly done and it were dreaming when  European Cup winner, Archie Gemmill scored that goal to put us 3—1 up. Holland scored again of course. I forgave them when they gave us Wim Jensen.

Scotland will not win the tournament. I’m not sure we’ll beat Switzerland or Hungary.  

England might win the Euros. I don’t hate England in the way I hate Rangers. I’m largely indifferent to them. Alex Ferguson would call them our ‘noisy neighbours,’ multiplied by media jingoism and flag waving 48 million fold. It’s not a good mix. England have the players to win it. I’m not sure they have the team. Germany, on home soil, looks the team to beat. They haven’t actually played anyone yet. But they have coasted through two matches. England struggled but still won. They’ll meet in the quarter-finals if everything goes according to plan (it rarely does, even for Man City). Penalty! Penalties?

https://amzn.to/48khBJ5

Scotland 1—3 England

Scotland are the team of glorious failure, epitomised by Archie Gemmill’s glorious goal against the Dutch in the World Cup in 1978.  

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=archie+gemmill+goal&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dq8K9MpSJ40U

We were on the march with Ally’s army. England hadn’t qualified for either the 1974 or 1978 World Cups. These were the years when we were a match for England. Now it’s one-way traffic. England are better than us. We don’t so much worry that they’ll beat us, but that they’ll win something like the European Championship, or god help us the World Cup. They’ve got the players for it. That’s the worry.

Much was made of booing the National Anthem. I don’t really give a fuck. Lest we forget, bananas being thrown at England players by their own supporters. Death threats to England players that missed penalties and happened to be black. Scotland fans jeering the names of Celtic players when they were announced in the Scotland team were a hallmark of the team of sixties and seventies. Before that they just weren’t in the team.  

As a footballing match, like the Old Firm game, a few weeks ago, it wasn’t much of a game. For the diddy team to win (Scotland) we know the rules. Steve Clarke the Scotland manager also knows the rules. He used them to great effect at Kilmarnock. Go long. Scrap and fight. Your keeper has got to play a blinder. And most of all, you’ve got to ride your luck.

Harry Kane’s toe is worth more than Ryan Porteous, whose transfer free was around £300 000 and it showed.  Jack Henry, who was equally unconvincing in central defence, cost less than Declan Rice’s hair-do. Kane scored at Hampden again, with eight minutes to go, to ensure Scotland’s hopes of snatching a draw, they didn’t deserve wouldn’t happen.

For most of the game England dominated. They scored two first-half goals within four minutes of each other, with a lot of help from Scotland’s captain, Andy Robinson, which just about say it all. Phil Foden, who was too good and too quick for us, scored the first in 31 minutes. Foden, Bellingham, Rashford, Walker. Foden’s goal might have looked like a deflection, but look again and weep. It was all too quick for the Scottish defence to get their feet right and their mind around.  Jude Bellingham, who was the best player on the pitch, scored the other and set the third up for Harry Kane. I know Bellingham is a Real Madrid superstar, but a punter told me today he was at Rangers Academy when he was a kid. I can’t quite believe that. He’s twenty now. A big kid.  At twelve he’d have been in Ibrox first-team.

Apart from Robertson’s failure to do the basics, clear the ball, and give it to the best player on the park, there was another comic element to the game. Harry McGuire briefly brought Scotland back into the game, after half-time, with an own goal. The last time I heard anything like that was when Celtic were three or four up against Rangers and started cheering the Rangers’ players in a derogatory way when they made a successful pass.

For the diddy team to win, they must ride their luck. John McGinn should have equalised shortly afterwards. For once Lewis Dunk was posted missing. He played the game exactly how I want Celtic’s defenders to play. Imperious in the air. Good on the deck. We’ve not had that since van Dijk. But for once, a ball came off McGinn’s shoulder and went past the post. We could have been on the march with Steve Clarke’s army.

Scotland were waiting for a result in the game with Georgia needing to draw with Norway for qualification for the World Cup to happen. Norway won. But we’ve got 15 points out of 15. Even by limits of glorious failure we can’t be that much of a glorious failure. In the 150^th Anniversary Match, England absolutely humped Scotland. The gulf in class was as evident as Aston Villa’s humiliation of Hibs. No great lessons to be learned. We get the usual bile of England until I die from Rangers fans that also happen to be Scottish. Nothing new to report. Booing the National Anthem makes you an SNP supporter. Aye right, Ally, I am an SNP voter. I voted for Brexit with England not Europe and would do so again in a heartbeat.  I’ve not got anything much against the English. I just hate Tory scum and the direction Tory politicians take Britain. It’s not my King. I’m proud they sent troops to George Square after the First World War because Churchill thought there would be a Socialist revolution. Move on.   

Scotland 2—2 Austria

Watching Scotland play is a duty rather than a pleasure. I was brought up in an era when fitba was on the telly you watched it. If Celtic was playing Clydebank at Parkhead I’d go to the game and rush home to see if I was on the telly with the other 17 000 crowd haunting Paradise. I didn’t go very often. Obviously, watching every single game when Scotland played in the World Cup in 1974 and 1978. We beat Brazil and there was that Archie Gemmill goal against Holland when we nearly qualified for the next round. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hLuv5AlXWE

It was great being on the road with Ally’s army. I didn’t go anywhere, but the idea was a good one. I’ve only been to one Scotland game at Hampden. I was accompanying some adults with Learning Disabilities. They were looking at me and I was looking at them. And I know what they were thinking…

Obviously, I’m a Celtic man. So I gave David Marshall the once over. Celtic flung £5 million at a Greek keeper that couldn’t catch a pound coin if you handed it to him. So signing Marshall on a free transfer takes me back to Hampden with those Learning Disability adults. Marshall made a couple of good saves here. But he was at fault for the first goal.  Grillitsch hit it from about 30 yards.  Marshall palmed it to his right. The six-foot-seven Austrian powerhouse, Kalajdzic, swooped and scored from the rebound in the 55^th minute. Kalajdzic had another goal disallowed two minutes later for a push on Tierney. Scotland got lucky there, because there was little contact.

Tierney was Scotland’s best player. Captain Andy Robertson plays in front of him. I don’t think that works. Both are full backs. I think it’s either/or, not both. And Tierney is simply better. Celtic rather that wasting £20 million on duds should have kept him for another season. He’s sorely missed.

On the other side of the defence, we had the Belgian phoenix Jack Henry. Playing Henry allowed Clarke to push McTominay into central midfield. The Manchester United played had not a bad game. Henry in comparison is Mr Potato head, six foot five and he can’t head a ball. He’s not one I want to keep at Celtic. But he’s good enough for Scotland. Strangely, a Scotland team without any of the Champion’s players. We even had my namesake, O’Donnell, playing at right back (I’m better than him, but slower, a lot slower, and can’t take shys). O’Donnell proved his worth by taking the free-kick from which Hanley equalised on the 71^st minute.

The Austrian backline played high, the ball scooped in behind. The Austrian keeper, Schlager, had the option of coming for the ball but hung back. Hanley didn’t. Schlager also made a basic goal-keeping mistake on the cusp of half-time. He passed the ball to Lyndon Dykes, perhaps time-wasting, knowing Dykes doesn’t score many goals. But Dykes found Christie and the Celtic forward hit the keeper with it. It’s not been a great season for him either. I’ll miss Christie when he leaves Celtic.

I’ll mention Stuart Armstrong because he also played for Celtic. Scotland are good at draws and the game looked to be petering out to a 1—1. Then a nothing ball was thrown into the box and Kalajdzic from the penalty spot, with the ball slightly behind him, powered it into the net. Marshall had no chance with this one.

I didn’t rate Scotland’s chances. With ten minutes to go it looked like another defeat. Armstrong played his part by going off a substitute. This allowed Celtic stalwart McGregor to come on and John McGinn to push forward and play up front with Adams (an Englishman winning his first cap for Scotland).

Kalajdzic’s goal was a beauty. But John McGinn’s was even better. You may remember that Celtic let McGinn go to Aston Villa. And he’s a Celtic die-hard, his grandfather player with Celtic. And I played with his McGinn’s uncle, Johnny Gibbons, in the school team. (I may have peaked too early here). Gibbons’ sister and McGinn’s mother played in the netball team. Some thought that’s where I belonged. The goal McGinn scored was probably offside, but even Scotland needs a bit of luck. Another bog-standard cross into the box. It wasn’t very high. McGinn did an overhead kick and it soared into the corner. The kind of winning goal that you dreamed about when playing school fitba—even though it wasn’t the winning goal. Scotland had to hang on for a draw. I wonder what the odds are for Steve Clarke being the next Celtic manager?

Clarke brought on ex-Rangers player McLean to run about for thirty seconds, which was an improvement on bringing on McBurnie. Next up Israel (again). We play them every second game. That’ll give me a chance to sympathise with El Hamad for not being good enough for Celtic. And to call for Bitton to be give a free transfer. He’s nearly as bad as Henry. If I’ve missed mentioning any Celtic player let me know (James Forrest doesn’t count. And we all know where Griffiths is at, but whose box he’s in is anybody’s guess).